On the Mark

Here is a funny write up from Fox Sports that I thought yall might get a kick out of.

On the Mark

David Wells scored on a bloop single the other night. A great moment, sure, but it also underscores the need for a defibrillator in every major league clubhouse.

This just in: Pete Carroll was perfectly willing to let Jeremiah Trotter walk on, he just wasn't willing to part with another scholarship.

By the way, the guys in Vegas are unanimous: USC would go off at three to one to win the NFC West.

True story: The Mets like to host these ethnic celebrations at Shea, the most recent of which was Polish Night. So a few hours before the game, one of the players comes into the locker room and demands to know, "What's this polish thing?"

Like, maybe he could get a free manicure.

The way I'm hearing it, the next time the Rangers play Baltimore, the O's have to bring the keg.

Sad to see Gary Sheffield sitting out with a gimpy shoulder. Then again, I guess it goes to his argument: Latin players' shoulders are much easier to control.

Tiki Barber says Eli Manning has yet to prove himself as a leader.

This is a news flash?

If Barber really wanted to offer a meaningful opinion, he would've addressed the issue of Michael Strahan, who proved this summer that he's just a little better teammate than he was a husband.

Think how happy Wells will be once he finds that all-you-can eat pavilion at Dodger Stadium.

Speaking of fat guys, Denny McLain says Michael Vick can use prison to get in great shape.

Certainly, you can see the therapeutic effect prison life had on old Denny.

"Who are they going to replace me with?" asks Mike Mussina.

Guy's got a point. It's not easy finding an $11 million pitcher who's given up 13 earned runs in his last 6.2 innings.

My kid is so wrapped up in this High School Musical business I finally had to tell her: "Honey, I was slow before the four knee surgeries, but I promise you this Zac Efron would not get a basket off me."

She's not speaking to me, of course.

The New York Post ran a photo of Lindsay Lohan riding a bike in Utah. And even though she's in rehab, I have to think there's still enough in her system to qualify for next year's Tour De France.

Beckham works three days out of six, then asks for a day off.

Wait up. That's supposed to be my schedule.

At this point in the sports calendar, the only way to get people talking about Major League Soccer is for some enterprising flak to start a rumor that Beckham had fighting dogs back in England.

I just love that one of Tim Donaghy's alleged co-conspirators is a former beauty parlor owner.

There goes your Gambino Crime Family, circa 2007.

The tradition-bound Yankees won't let players wear facial hair, but apparently they had no problem with New Era marketing Yankee caps with gang colors. There was a Bloods Yankees cap, a Crips Yankees cap and a Latin Kings Yankee cap.

So what about the Aryan Brotherhood?

I mean, where's the ACLU on this?

Can Goodell suspend DMX, too?

Really, why can't Vick get a second chance?

I mean, even Grady Little got one.

Tell you what, I'd go for Zac Efron's knees.