Friday, February 1, 2008

Tonight in Glendale, it's a Menage-a-Belichick

Tonight in Glendale, it's a Menage-a-Belichick
Inside Track, the tabloid garbage portion of the Boston Herald, reports that Bill Belichick's going to have to put together a dynamic sexual playbook this weekend to keep two women satisfied.

He's been seen around town this week with a blonde woman named Linda Holliday, who you might recall from last April, when she was keeping Bill's lap warm at the NCAA tournament finals. But the Inside Track people say that Sharon Shenocca, the woman who was happily married before Bill Belichick invited her inside the hoodie, is also coming to Phoenix for the Super Bowl festivities.

All I can tell you is that Bill Belichick's going to need a lot of G2 to keep both women smiling. But I don't doubt his ability to pull this off, not even for a second. Belichick is the league's best head coach, but he also might be the league's best player.

• Both Beli-chicks touch down for Bowl! / Boston Herald

Belichick after Pats' practice: 'We're ready to roll'
The New England Patriots' final practice before Sunday's big game was, well, super. "We're ready to roll," coach Bill Belichick said Friday. "We're ready as we're going to be." According to the Chicago Tribune's Dan Pompei, the designated pool reporter, the Patriots concluded their preparations for the Super Bowl against the New York Giants with a crisp 1-hour, 20-minute workout in shorts and shells at Sun Devil Stadium.

Hit List: Give us something, coaches
Trying to break these guys' defense? Not worth the effort, Kevin Hench says. Fun with the media isn't their idea of a pre-game ritual.

Umenyiora added to injury report with sore thigh
There is no guarantee New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress will play in the Super Bowl. Ankle and knee problems caused Burress to miss his third straight practice Friday, leaving coach Tom Coughlin hoping his star receiver can continue his yearlong trend of playing every week without the benefit of working with his teammates. "He's improved," Coughlin said after the Giants finished their final practice for Sunday's NFL title game against the New England Patriots.

Are you always this nice, people of the greater Phoenix area?
I'm curious as to whether or not the people of Phoenix were implored in any way prior to Super Bowl week to be especially courteous to visitors. If so, it worked ... and when Monday morning rolls around, if you're just sick of being nice, and you want to moon me and throw rocks at me on my way out of town, I'll totally understand.

But if there was no "coaching up" that took place beforehand, then you're just an exceedingly nice group of people, and I'm in love with you. I'm not kidding. If the rest of America was as nice as you, I'd just walk around all day smiling like an idiot, handing out Jolly Ranchers, and french-kissing total strangers. You make me feel like dancing, people of Phoenix.

It's everyone I've encountered. Cab drivers, bartenders, store clerks ... even the guy at the Carl's Jr. drive-thru at 2 a.m. last night. He handed me a sandwich and smiled at me like I just saved his baby sister from a life of crack-addiction and whoring.

I'm pretty sure I could walk up to a random guy on the street, punch him in the face, and he'd pick himself up off the ground and say, "That's an awfully good punch you have there, sir! Enjoy Tempe!"

There are even people downtown who are hired to just stand around and be nice. They're called the Copper Square Ambassadors, and really, all they do is make themselves visible, give you directions, tell you about cool stuff to do, and smile at you. I love them. I'm going to stuff one of them in my bag and take him home with me, where he'll be able to provide me with valuable information about Phoenix 24/7, which I'll find comforting, even if I'm 2000 miles away.

Your hospitality makes me happy, Phoenix. Before I leave, I'm kissing each and every one of you.

You will not be this cool when you are 80
And neither will I ... but I do plan on wearing the light blue canvas belt.

I was standing in line to get my credential this morning, and I noticed a group of a few people in front of me who, well, I don't want to call them "old," but, you know ... they looked pretty damn old.

I wondered what they were doing there, because I hadn't seen anyone of that vintage around all week. I thought maybe they were the Manning grandparents, or a tour group that had gotten lost, or maybe the G2 people were just looking to bring in people I could potentially beat at fake, stupid, unfair bowling (that wasn't the case, as it turned out, but I'd have really appreciated the sentiment).

Eventually, I overheard that two of the dudes in the group had been to every single Super Bowl in history. So I chatted them up for a minute.

Don Crisman, 76, and Stan Whitaker, 82, are two of five people alive who have been to every Super Bowl as fans. Crisman was carrying around a photo collage, and one of the pictures was of the entire group of five, and he told me their names, but he sort of did it in that rambling, old man, "I'm going to talk, whether or not you're listening" way, and I don't remember them. Sorry.

They were both with their wives, one of whom had been to 28 Super Bowls, and the other who had been to 30. I'm not going to say that these women were "hot," per se ... but if I'm doing that well when I'm 80, and I'm not paying for it, I'm going to consider myself very, very lucky. They were both really sweet people, too.

I asked Don what kept him coming to Super Bowls all these years, and he told me that at this point, it was more to "keep the streak alive" than anything else, although he was particularly looking forward to this one, because he's a Patriots fan (he's the one on the left with the "if I hear one more of you damn whippersnappers call us 'cheaters'" kind of look on his face). Stan's a Broncos fan.

Don's two favorite Super Bowls were XXXVIII (he said it was because of his Patriots fandom, and they beat the Panthers that year, but I'm not discounting the possibility that Janet Jackson's nipple played a role in that, as well) and III. That was the game of the Namath guarantee, and Don was a big AFL supporter, and enjoyed shoving a big middle finger in the faces of the cocky NFL fans (okay, he didn't actually say anything about a middle finger, but that was the general sentiment).

He used to travel around the country "selling telecommunications," which, around the time of Super Bowl III, I'm guessing, meant something like "selling telephones." He was also on a NASCAR pit crew, and when he told me this, I said, "Wow, you've had a hell of a life."

He didn't really respond to that, and it wasn't until later that I realized that saying "You've had a hell of a life" is kind of like saying, "Well, old man, you've had a really nice run, but we both know it's about to end." I am sorry, Don. I've never really interviewed anyone before. I'm sure you won't die soon.

Anyway, the NFL is good enough to sit these five people together every year, and sell them tickets at face value. I don't know if they provide accommodations for them as well, but if these gentlemen wanted to stay here, I think they've earned that privilege.

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