Report: Fish are close to an agreement with Jake Long

Report: Fish are close to an agreement with Jake Long
Tom Curran at MSNBC says that a contract agreement between the Dolphins and Jake Long is "nearly in place." Again, I don't believe anything anyone says this time of year.

Keith, upon being arrested: 'I'm a Colts player'
Colts running back Kenton Keith was out of jail Monday after being arrested for refusing to leave a nightclub parking lot and yelling at officers that he was a Colts player who had done nothing wrong, police said. Officers working security tried to clear a crowd from the parking lot of the Cloud 9 club after it closed at 3 a.m. Sunday. The 27-year-old Keith and several others refused to leave and were laughing, dancing and joking, police said.

Eli Manning's wedding album
You owe it to yourself to check out this photo gallery of Eli Manning's wedding. Jeremy Shockey seemed to enjoy himself.

Man begins to get over Brett Favre; marriage slowly heals
As I read this column this morning, written by a woman whose husband was distraught over the retirement of Brett Favre, I couldn't tell if it was real or a parody. I think I've settled on real.

Reading it felt a little like watching Best in Show, a Christopher Guest mockumentary that looks real, but is, in actuality, actors poking a little fun at the culture depicted; in that case, dog show people. Here, I couldn't tell if it was really a story about a "Oh no, Brett Favre has retired, and my life will never by the same" kind of guy, or a mockery of that kind of guy.

If you're a young filmmaker, I think there's a documentary to be made about situations like this one. It's too crazy to be mocked or spoofed, like that one about the guy who loved bears (actual bears, not the Chicago Bears) so much that one ate him.

A snippet, from OCRegister.com:

Days later, however, our TV remained stuck on sports channels giving all angles of the retirement story. Once, when I urgently needed to watch "Lost," Joe was fixed to the TV — it was Favre, again, choking up about leaving football.

Favre's eyes were as red as my husband's. And the look on Joe's face said something sad was happening on television. (Anybody remember the first episode of "Little House On the Prairie," when the Ingalls' dog almost drowned? Like that time; Joe was crying.)

I gingerly asked if what he was watching would go on long. "Oh," he said, wiping away a tear, "this is taped."

Yikes. And another:

Was I sad for the Packers and the games Joe would miss? No. I was calculating the money we'd save. Money once devoted to Joe's love life. No more Prime Ticket on Direct TV; no more trips to Green Bay. We'd even save on the Packers gear Joe insisted our entire family wear during the season.

Our daughter needs braces and more riding lessons. The older kids would be in therapy for years, what with the absence of their dad due to football.

Thank goodness Favre retired when he did. People must've been getting sick of looking at this guy's daughter, with her Favre jersey and gooned-up teeth.

And this is a family in southern California. Imagine the carnival of freakish behavior going on in Wisconsin right now. Marriages and families have actually been brought back together by the retirement of Brett Favre. It's up to you, Aaron Rogers, to tear those apart again.

Draft rumor mongering: Roy Williams to the Eagles?

I've never been one to post seemingly random trade rumors, but it's the week of the draft, this one's fun, and it at least has a source. So we'll roll with it.

GCobb.com, which, according to ProFootballTalk.com, has been "nailing many an Eagles scoop this offseason," reports that the Eagles are attempting to trade for Lions wide receiver Roy Williams.

There's video of his report, but I'm going to opt to just give you the quote, because I don't think many of you are interested in what Lee, the mustached car-salesman at Infiniti of West Chester, has to say.

Here you go:

"Talked to Mike Quick today. The Eagles are going to do something this week, when it comes to the draft, they're going to make a move after a wide receiver. I don't know whether they're going to be successful or not, but they're going to be going, and the word is that Roy Williams is going to be one of the guys that they're targeting. Trying to get a deal done. The Lions are holding out trying to get everything they can, but we'll see what happens."

Cobb also breaks the news that many Eagles fans are desperate for female companionship. I can't imagine why that would be so, and I don't believe it.

PFT says that the Redskins and Cowboys are also bidding for Williams, which would mean that 75% of NFC East's teams are in on this. That would seem to put Lions GM Matt Millen in an advantageous negotiating position ... at least, it would, if he wasn't Matt Millen.

Smith to Jarrett: 'You're here to play football'
Steve Smith wants Carolina Panthers teammate Dwayne Jarrett to get his act together. Carolina's three-time Pro Bowl wide receiver was asked Monday if the embattled Jarrett was due for a coming-out party after his disappointing rookie season was followed by an offseason charge of driving by impaired. "You know, the party session is actually over. This is the NFL," Smith said. "You make plays. You're here to play football.

Vital draft body parts: Glenn Dorsey's right leg
The only thing you can count on in the days leading up to the NFL draft is that everyone's lying. Teams lie about who they want, players lie about past injuries, GMs lie about non-existent trade offers, and agents lie about everything. I lie to you three or four times daily right here (that was a lie).

So I don't know what we should believe about Glenn Dorsey's leg. Mr. X-ray machine is probably not lying about the dark spot on the X-ray, and some GMs are concerned about it, according to STLtoday.com. Dorsey says he suffered a stress fracture there in his junior year when he banged it against something in the weight room, but that he played two years with the injury, and it never bothered him.

He also suffered a sprain of the right knee last year, but again, he never missed a game, and says it's not an issue. Backing Dorsey up on this are the Nagurski (best defensive player), Lombardi (best lineman or linebacker), and Outland (best interior lineman) awards on his mantle.

Two things concern me about Dorsey. One, it's a stress fracture, and Dorsey says he suffered it while banging into something in the weight room. That's not what a stress fracture is. Stress fractures are caused by repetitive motions.

And two, there were too many times last year where Dorsey went for long stretches of a game being pretty blockable. He made as many spectacular, eye-popping plays as any defensive lineman you can mention, but there were also a lot of times when he'd disappear for a good stretch of the game.

But he's got nearly ideal measurables, and the leg has passed every test it's been put through, so there's still a very good chance he'll be taken in the top three. I certainly don't think he'll slide out of the top ten. But his leg is going to be key in how the top of the draft shakes out.