Thursday, April 17, 2008

L.A. has no NFL team, but they do have a pretty YouTube video

L.A. has no NFL team, but they do have a pretty YouTube video
I'm not one of the people who cares tremendously about getting an NFL team back in Los Angeles. I might think differently if I felt like the people of Los Angeles desperately wanted a team, or if I thought the NFL desperately wanted to be there.

Anyway, a fellow named Ed Roski, who has more money than God, has put together a plan to build a handsome new stadium. It's his land, so that's not an issue, but at some point, someone's going to have to come up with the $820 million to build the thing. No word on where that's coming from.

More details here.

Chad Johnson is losing fans
A fan so devoted to Chad Johnson that he used to call him his "not gay boyfriend" (Michael Westbrook approves, but just barely) finally disowns 85. It's quite sad.

A slip of the tongue: Dolphins to go defense?
You know how sometimes, you'll be talking, and your brain and your mouth have a slight disagreement, and your brain wins, and it makes your mouth say something you didn't want it to say?

It happens to me all the time. For instance, I'll be at Best Buy, and a young woman who works there will ask if she can help me, and I'll say, "Yeah, I'm looking for an HDMI cable for my--I'll give you $200 to touch me." And then I'll be arrested, and the cop will put me in handcuffs, and I'll go, "Officer, I take full responsibility and I'm sorry and -- If I touch you, sir, can we just forget this ever happened?"

See? The brain always wins.

Something similar may have just happened to Miami Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland at a meeting with the media. Here's the MP3 from WAXY-AM in Miami.

WAXY-AM Jeff Ireland .mp3 (click to download)


I guess it's possible that Mr. Ireland simply misspoke (a term you hear a lot more whenever elections are coming up). But it's also possible that his brain and his mouth were fighting. The brain was thinking, "Yeah, we're taking Chris Long, Glenn Dorsey, or Vernon Gholston," and the mouth was thinking, "Shut up, jerkface, no one's supposed to know that." And the brain happened to win.

Later, Bill Parcells will beat the hell out of all of them.

So it's either utterly meaningless, or an accidental indication of the Dolphins plan on draft day. You decide.

Gracias, Sports by Brooks.

Steve McNair used to be a beast

Given his injury-plagued and not-always-stellar play with the Ravens over the past couple of seasons, it's easy to forget how good Steve McNair once was. Given his retirement announcement today, it seems like a good time to remember.

Five or six years ago, McNair was about the scariest thing in the NFL. He was prototypical in how he played the game, bringing every quality you could want in a quarterback. He was big, mobile, accurate, intelligent, and played through any injury you could imagine. You could've sawed the guy's right leg off in the 2nd quarter, and he'd be back after halftime with a prosthetic that he crafted out of a piece of the field goal post.

But he was also physically fearsome. In his prime, he was almost impossible to sack, and he made a ton of plays that a slower or smaller quarterback just couldn't have made. He had ridiculous athleticism, but it never come at the expense of being a pure quarterback.

In 2003, his co-MVP season, he threw for over 3,200 yards, 24 touchdowns, and had just 7 interceptions. And this was a guy whose value could never be wholly measured by stats. He just made plays.

When people remember Super Bowl XXXIV, they remember the last play, where Kevin Dyson came up just a yard short of the endzone. But right before that, McNair made one of those amazing, but typical-of-him plays that kept the Titans alive and put them in position to score.

The retirement papers haven't been officially filed yet. McNair's departure from the Titans two years ago was somewhat acrimonious, so I don't know if it's something he'd want, but I agree with the gang at Music City Miracles. I'd like to see him sign a one-day contract with Tennessee, and retire as a Titan.

Malcolm Kelly: Still slow, but not as angry
Remember Oklahoma receiver Malcolm Kelly, who got mad because he ran slow times on a surface on which he wasn't prepared to run? Well, he got to run again, this time, on the surface of his choice. And he wasn't a great deal faster.

For some reason, Chiefs to trade Jared Allen
That's what Jared Allen says, anyway. He told Fox's Jay Glazer that the Chiefs have held trade talks with the Vikings and the Bucs, and right now, they're just trying to agree on trade compensation and a new contract for Allen.

From Glazer:

The Pro Bowl defensive end is the Chiefs' franchise player, but re-signing in Kansas City will be a problem as the team is looking to stockpile draft picks.

Allen said the two sticking points are working out terms of a deal with a new team and the Chiefs agreeing to compensation for a trade. A package of first- and second-round picks or one of first- and third-round picks in the upcoming draft have been discussed as possible terms. It's unclear at this point what it will take to get the deal done.

Allen is 26 years old and led the NFL in sacks last year. Guys like that do not grow on trees. Why get rid of him? Is it because he rode a blazing saddle? Because he wore a shining star? Why?

The only reasoning offered is that they "want to stockpile draft picks." Well, sure, of course they do. But who doesn't? That's like saying that some guy "wants to make a lot of money." Right, but, that doesn't necessarily mean he's willing to sell one of his kidneys to do so.

I've contacted the Broncos, Raiders, and Chargers for comment, and they all said, "Really? Well, tell the Chiefs we said 'thanks'."

NFL blogger fired from real job for being drunk two years ago
If you read any NFL blogs at all, you're probably familiar with the work of a fellow named Michael Tunison, perhaps better known as Christmas Ape, who writes at a site called Kissing Suzy Kolber, which you should read every day if you enjoy things that are hilarious and filthy.

Before Monday, he was known to the blogging community only as "Christmas Ape," but since someone decided to start paying the guys at Kissing Suzy Kolber, he decided to let the world know that he was a real person with a real job. He included this picture of himself. He's the one on the left.

In the accompanying post, he said he was "totally [freaking] hammered" at the time the picture was taken. He also included links to his work as a Metro writer at the Washington Post.

Forty-eight hours later, the Washington Post fired him, saying that he brought "discredit to the paper." For being drunk. Two years ago. And you wouldn't even know he was drunk in the picture, unless he told you.

If he was posting pictures of himself, nude, passed out in a bathtub, and covered in hooker's blood, I could see where the Washington Post people might be upset. But he's just hugging a parrot, for God's sake. You can clearly see his left hand on the parrot's shoulder. The parrot is not being molested in any way, despite clearly asking for it with that tantalizing yellow beak.

I just find it puzzling that he'd be fired over that picture. I've contacted the WaPo for an explanation. Hopefully, there's a follow-up coming, but I tend to doubt it.